Best Funnies!

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Author, Blogger, and illustrator with PDMI Publishing Llc. V.L. Jennings' Blog (Speculating Among The Stars) can be found here: www.virginialorijennings.com I am the author of two science fiction books called "The Alien Mind" and "Visionary from the Stars". I love to write and I have been doing so since the sixth grade. I was born in April 1987 in the state of New Hampshire; I was Home Schooled from seventh grade and graduated at 16 with a GED. I now live with my husband and three children in Dillon, South Carolina. You can find me on Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, Shelfari, Linkedin, and Pinterest. I love connecting with people! I am readily to answer questions and offer advice and support to new writers.

Posted in Writers/Authors Shorts (no not the clothing kind)
6 comments on “Best Funnies!
  1. Ok, it’s short but this is one of my sister’s favortie parts of Venomous Lives… In fact she uses it as rather a tag line when I am picking on her too much…………………………………………………

    Criss and Juliet were both late for the bus. Steve went to beat down Criss’ door, but he wasn’t in his room. Lily went to her room. She walked in and saw her best friend tangled up with Criss and laying on his chest. She smiled. Steve sauntered in saying, “He’s not answering….Oh.”

    “It’s almost to adorable to break up,” Lily joked.

    “Yeah well, we got to be there in twenty so…”

    Steve walked in to the bathroom and filled the ice bucket with water. He walked back out and began to throw it. Criss said, “If that lands on me then you had better run. Naked or not I will kick your ass!”

    Steve stopped mid throw and a small amount landed on the small of Juliet’s back, she gasped. “Sorry Jules,” Steve stammered, “Sorry, I was aiming for Criss.”

    Juliet glared at him. Criss tried his best to cover her up. Lily said, “You guys are late and trust me everyone has noticed.”

  2. This isn’t my slap your knees funniest, but it is my favorite. Also from Live and Let Fly. Vern, my dragon, and Charlie are sneaking about in the evil overlord’s lair trying to find Charlie’s kidnapped fiancee. http://www.amazon.com/Live-Case-Files-DragonEye-ebook/dp/B007Y5TCHG

    While I kept watch, Charlie moved into the middle of the junction, holding the medallion in front of him. It dimmed and brightened, dimmed and brightened, as he spun a slow circle. Something was interfering with the spell, or several of the choices could take us to Heather, but who knew which was the fastest?

    I heard footsteps. I signaled to Charlie, and we rushed back into the hall we’d come down. I grabbed the first doorknob I found and twisted. Of course, it was unlocked. Got to love when a cliché works in my favor.

    Charlie started to close the door behind us, his other hand gripping the handle of his dagger so tight I could hear the leather wrap on the handle strain, as we listened to the footsteps coming our way, slow, bored. My predator’s instincts rose—then I had a great idea. I shook my head at Charlie and winked, and he shuffled out of my way, leaving the door ajar. I settled myself with my back to the door, just inside the shadows and let the script play itself out:

    CLUELESS MINION enters Stage Left. He pauses, hearing a noise, but does not report it. Instead, he fondles the stars on his nametag and moves toward the empty hallway, his mind on adding another. (Probably saying, “I was proactive today!”)
    CLUELESS pauses at door, hesitating. He stands and, back to the door, reaches for his walkie-talkie.
    Suddenly, a well-muscled and gorgeously scaled tail whips out from the crack in the door and wraps itself around his neck. He only has time to grab ineffectively at the tail before he’s drawn into the darkness. The door shuts behind him.
    Pan shot of the empty hallway.
    FADE TO BLACK

    I slammed my victim on the floor and pinned him with my forelegs, then I leaned my face in nice and slow, making sure he got a good look at my fangs before he saw my eyes. “Where’s the girl?” I growled low and menacingly.

    “Wh-What g-g-girl?”

    Charlie crouched down by Stutterboy and glanced at his nametag. “Look, Philip, we’re in a bit of a hurry. We know Rhoda Dakota’s being held captive somewhere nearby. Now you can be a good survivor and tell us where—or you can be dinner.”

    “I-I don’t—”

    “Phil A. Minion.” I mused and drooled a bit for effect. I live for these moments, I really do. I licked his cheek and asked Charlie, “Can I have fries with that?”

    “Why not? This is Idaho.”

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